marriedgirl

Posts Tagged ‘Wedding Prep’

Rock ‘n Rolla Part III

In Getting Married, Main, Random Fantasy Land on March 31, 2009 at 5:26 pm

Trolling the Web after Part I , I went looking for people getting married, perhaps with blogs, perhaps without, but who actually thought like me. You know, for moral support and all that. (Writing a marital blog can be stressful! So many questions about “level of detail”, or “should I really put that really unsavory detail about Him out for worldwide consumption?”. Balancing those kinds of questions with a natural need to be open and vocal when writing has not been easy.)

Turns out this was quite a challenge. My criteria seemed to be insurmountable. I wanted people who “thought” like me. This was the first issue. You see, most brides-to-be didn’t seem to think at all. And the remaining blogs were all about “calla lilly flowers, perfectly satine jewelled designer ribbons, bridesmaids being bitches, general bitchery, general botchery, fake eyelashes, dyed and tinted eyebrows, should I get boob surgery, my first wedding disappointment, drama, drama, misery, misery, this is my perfect day and it’s all going wrong, I think I’m going to dieeeee” (Gag!)

I present to the court, MG Exhibit 1

(My non scientific observations about marriage blogs also include:

1) 99.99 % of these bloggers are female

2) 100 % of them are crazy!)

I don’t begrudge any brides-to-be their moments of pondering over the perfect shade of champagne colored crystal cream-creme for their dress- I mean God knows I’m doing lots of that myself lately (ruby red or garnet red?)- but really, do they have to be so very verbose about it?  And worse still, so boring about it? Where is the sarcasm? Where is the Funny? Where is the serious thinking behind the fact that you are about to commit to someone else forever? (Or at least until the Divorce?) Surely the fact that you’re in love doesn’t mean that the two of you are going to be happy every step of the way? And if you’re not going to be happy together during all of forever, where is the deep think related content behind that? Why does nobody ever want to talk about the “for poorer” and “in sickness” parts of the vows?

While I love Him a lot, I know that we’re not going to be happy every step of the way. There will be fights, there will be DRAMA, there will be SO MUCH DRAMA. We will involve the kids. We’ll vow not to involve the kids. The kids will force us to take sides. The parents will get involved despite our many vows to always present an united front to them. There will be throwing of toothpaste tubes and slamming of doors. There will be hanging up of phones and wiping up of snot. There will be arguments over who does the dishes, and who blew too much at the bars last night, and declamations of “I can’t believe I married you.” Love isn’t enough to get over that! It takes kindness, and sensitivity, and compromise, and yearning to go back to “how we were”, to get there, not just love. So tell me, my blogging brides, have you thought about that in between the personalized matchbooks as guest favors, and the significant-to-us cake toppers?

When I started trolling the Web that day, I set out to find brides who thought like me, that perhaps, the ring and the proposal were not everything, were not, for lack of better terminology, the be all and the end all of getting married.  The rock matters, yes, the manner of proposal should be meaningful, yes, but “he proposed to me in a parking lot so my marriage is now ruined!”, and “my first wedding disappointment was that my ring was not rhodium-polished gold!”, and my personal favorite, “the proposal sucked, so the wedding, and the marriage will now suck too!”

Really?

Listen, my aspiring-to-write brides-to-be: be bitchy. Be bad ass. Be happy. Be gay. Rip a new one into your damn bridesmaids for all I care! But for the love of all that is cyberspacey and marriage related, please, please, please, stop being whiny and thus, boring!

Allow Me to Have A Moment of Listing in Third Person

In Getting Married, Main, Random Fantasy Land, Relationship on January 29, 2009 at 10:53 am

MG had a bunch of things to write about this week, except that they were all sort of mini blogs in the making, and concerned about the bunch of trash that already floats about in cyber-space, she decided instead to make a List of her mini blog items so that y’all could enjoy it all in one easy-to-read centralized location. Quick wins, all around.

(Can you tell MG works with a bunch of corp-jargon-speaking dunderheads?)

1) MG was having a SHIT week last week. SHIT I tell you! Work sucked, and she’s not sure if she mentioned this, but work really sucked last week. So much so that the Kleenex Ad where the red-head types in “Touch I Touch Q Touch U Touch I Touch T” was something out of her own life last week.

2) MG, being the sneaky controlling crazy Lady Friend that she is, has had His Gmail password for a few years now. While she rarely checks His email, she happened to do so last week. And she, er, stumbled upon photos of none other than…*dun dun dun*…The Rock. On someone else’s ugly-ass hairy finger. And she means hairy.

Once MG stifled the red hairy monster growling “MINE” in baritones of fury, and stopped seeing the world in filters of red, she quickly realized that Him and her had had a deal- she could read his email, as long as he had already read it first.  But what on earth was a normal girl like her to do? It said “Diamond Ring” in the subject line! How could anyone resist reading that particular email!?

The only option left, sadly, was to be super-sneaky and hit the “mark as unread” button and pray that He didn’t realize that she’d snooped.

You know that old saying? The one where they say “eavesdroppers hear nothing good about themselves”? Let me paraphrase that; “email snoopers read nothing good about themselves.” Now that MG had seen the ring in pictures, she wasn’t sure if she liked it. It was not a typical engagement ring style and the rock itself seemed to have a flat shape that she couldn’t get her Harry Winston loving head around.

Stop gasping already, it gets better.

But having a night to sleep over it, MG stalked through the email again, and realized, stupidly, that she’d only really looked at the first picture.  As she looked through the other pictures she realized, slowly, that she kinda, actually, sorta liked it. But she wasn’t sure. And so she closed the email and tried to erase the guilty images in her head, and tried to forget that she’d sent him an email, long long ago, of the sort of design she’d like. And she did tell Him to surprise her. It would probably look awesome on her finger. Manicured and lotioned or not.

3) At the airport last week, MG gave up on trying not to be a silly bride-to-be, stifled her guilt at selling out, and bought a copy…of Brides. Yes. Brides. That cream-puff publication filled with pages and pages and pages of gowns and make up and jewelery.  The entire wedding industry in one glossy 700 (seven! hundred!) page package. She girded her loins, gave her chest a much needed upward push, and prepared herself to become none other than the Bride of Zilla herself, and opened the damn thing.

Surely, she reasoned, that reading so much about frills and fripperies and something old and something blue, would turn her into a controlling freak of nature.  “YOUR IDEA BOOK” screamed the cover. “CELEB MARRIAGES” screamed another. (“Oh yeah, RIGHT!” she chuckled to herself. “What normal person would take that story seriously?!”).

Alas, about 5 pages in, MG wearied of the ivory white dressed apple cheeked maidens, and fell asleep (remember, she had had a SHIT week at work), and forgot the thing in the airplane. What a waste of $6.

4) MG was talking to one of her unofficial bridesmaids last night, a lady that just joined grad school, when she got the earth-shattering news. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to make the wedding.”

When MG replied with…utter silence, the UoBM went on hurriedly. “I will make this up to you. I will be there, for your anniversaries. For the birth of your children.”

MG, struck dumb by spasms of upset, replied in her best impression of fifteen-year-old-high-school-girl dramatic fashion. “I can’t pretend that I’m not upset. But I realize that you can’t help it.”

And then came on here to write an anguished blog about friends and being the Bride of Zilla. And the moment she took a deep breath between feverish typing, she realized there might be another way.

“You could…maybe..miss a week of class?”

And MG was delighted to learn that the UoBM had actually not thought about that at all and would be willing to try that out.

Compromise, MG decided, is something that needs to be the first reaction, not emotional angst. It is a wedding, for chrissakes, not a…shoot, there seems to be no comparable analogy…oh! A Life/Death situation.

And MG realized also, that just because the UoBM wouldn’t be attending the wedding, maybe, didn’t make her any less of a friend, or that she wouldn’t be a part of the wedding either, because ten IMs later, UoBM said…”so, we’ve been talking about your bachelorette party. Where do you want to go?”

And that reduced MG to happy excitement again. Silly, she knew, that such a little thing could be such a big deal to her, but it made her feel like someone cared…cared enough to plan something for her. In Mexico.

5). MEXICO! That is all.

It’s In My Head, Dammit!

In Getting Married, Main on December 12, 2008 at 5:00 pm

So, it seems that brides around the planet will finally, have their long-cherished dream of having the designer make the dress as they have, literally, imagined all their lives.

From Tech On Japan:

Japanese Group Reconstructs Visual Images From Brain Activity Patterns.

Dec 12, 2008 19:24
Yousuke Ogasawara, Nikkei Electronics


The drawing illustrates the “visual image reconstruction” technology developed by the Advanced Telecommunications Research Institute International (ATR) and others, which reconstructs figures seen by a subject into images by measuring human brain activity.


A conceptual diagram of the visual image reconstruction technology will be on the cover of a US magazine “Neuron.” The figures and alphabetical letters in the background are the images used in the experiment. The images in the film were actually reconstructed from the brain activity, according to ATR.

A Japanese research group developed the “visual image reconstruction” technology to reconstruct figures seen by a subject into images by measuring human brain activity.

Read more here.

The question remains however, whether the designer will ever get it right based on our exacting bride’s self image of being, of course, a perfect size 0 in said wedding dress.

Nuts & Bolts. Mostly Nuts.

In Getting Married, Main, Relationship on December 11, 2008 at 7:15 pm

Registries?

Wedding Web sites ?

Are you kidding me?

What is all this nonsense surrounding weddings anyway?  Save the dates? Send an announcement to the newspaper for both your engagement and actual marriage?

And why is that I’m doing it all, while He gets away with doing nothing by providing the following cliched aw-inducing-now-irritating statement:

“Baby, I don’t care about any of these things, I just want you.”

Oh, very easy.

I call bullshit.

Oh, and doing it right now, after he said “you know what, I am getting married to a fat girl” last night after a very frustrated lash out by yours truly on the subject of hating the gym, seems so stupid. What are we celebrating? The union of these two souls?

I’m hurt enough that I’m questioning this wedding. Some union.

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