Archive for the ‘Main’ Category

The Feeling of Marriage (Part 2)

In Getting Married, Main, Marriage's Dirty Laundry on September 6, 2010 at 11:14 am

The funny thing is, nobody really asks MG how it feels to be married a year and some later. And really, this is right about the time that things have certainly gotten interesting.

  • MG is answerable to someone: she can’t just up and fly to the Bahamas for the weekend if she finds a cheap ticket. It must be discussed, debated and argued over first.
  • The corollary to that, of course, is that most nothing is spontaneous anymore. With instant access to each other’s credit card bills and all online accounts, nothing can be kept a secret anymore, and so everything is just boring and routine.
  • Marriage really has meant, for MG at least, losing a huge part of her individuality. This is not bad, nor is it good. It just is a fact. Some days, she really does feel like just Mrs Married Girl and not capable of independent or individual thought. (As an aside: it would be so easy to lose herself in this forever…)
  • The relationship has certainly deepened, yes. Both the bad: we really dig deep and below the belt for things to say during arguments, but also the good: the meaning of ‘having each others’ backs’ has taken on a new and indescribable rock solid quality.
  • For MG & him at least, it’s become necessary to hash out and deal with every last part of an argument, whereas before, if things got bad, there was always the threat of “forget it, let’s break up, this is not worth it.” There’s no question of breaking up now, so it’s become necessary to really get into the nitty gritty of things and solve them, instead of avoiding them. Perhaps also a reason why things get really ugly during arguments.
  • Related to that- MG’s mother always said that people only ever show your their true colors after marriage. While MG initially dismissed that as 20th century Indian momma advice, it’s true. He’s shown sides of him that MG never expected, despite a long history of a premarital relationship.
  • You know all those resolutions MG made before marriage? Not to be a nagging wife? To be a cool wife! To just not give a crap if the Mother In Law pissed her off? She’s seen those resolutions fly rapidly out of the window and has seen herself turn into the nagging wife, an absolutely uncool wife, and has been pissed off with the mother-in-law.
  • Yes, two incomes in a house are nice, but it’s strange to actually have a second income to rely on. (MG does wonder though, if she ever quit and just became a housewife, whether she’d still have the same freedom to spend on whatever the hell she felt like. While he would probably make all sorts of promises, she doubts it would come to pass.) Strange, how, you ask? It’s initially a heady freedom. Then you see your expenses climb accordingly. So perhaps it’s both a blessing and a curse?
  • Being sick is not as lonely as it was before. It’s nice to have someone other than your mom call in, and be there to check on you, or just cuddle you.
  • For MG at least, friendly flirting with guys has gone out of the window. And no, she cannot flirt with Him. While you may think this implies adulterous leanings on MG’s part, it does not. It just means that she feels like somehow, guys have stopped looking. It’s as if once she got married, it was like she didn’t exist to the outside world anymore.
  • Sometimes, MG gets so involved in Him and her drama that the outside world sort of really does stop existing for a while. Marriage has made her feel more insular, and, permit her this one moment of drama: like sometimes, the walls are actually closing in. This has made her consider, for the first time since tenth grade, like she needs a do-over, and has vaguely entertained suicidal thoughts, or even running away and starting over in Peru.
  • Most of MG’s relationships with her male friends has changed, for worse. Part of it that some of them have distanced themselves from her because of marriage and all that they think it entails, and part of it is that they’re concentrating on being friends with Him as well, and in the process, forget to talk to with MG.
  • Parents. God. Parents. The expectations just go crazy once you get married and, in their eyes, are a bona fide adult now. It’s unbelievable.

Oh MG knows what you’re thinking. “Wow! She sounds miserable”. And perhaps she is. But marriage is finally showing its uglier sides, and that its not all rainbows and unicorns and pretty pink clouds to her.

She’s keeping the faith though. There’s a reason people stay married twenty five, thirty, seventy five years. And she’s going to keep faith, and figure it out.

*Oh don’t worry, you’re not going to find MG in a bathtub with her slit wrists dramatically flung over the white porcelain anytime soon, nor is she going to KEEL YOU. Everybody needs a fantasy out sometimes. And she always finds her way to sensible thought eventually.


The Feeling of Marriage (Part 1)

In Getting Married, Main on August 30, 2010 at 10:49 am

One of the things that really irked MG immediately after her wedding was the constant question: “Oh! How does it feel to be married?”

Um, how do you think? It feels no different than yesterday, or the day before! Yes, MG is legally allowed to sleep next to a a boy (a real boy! a REAL BOY WITH A PENIS!) in her own bed, and no one can say a damn thing about it, but seriously? She’s not about to tell the likes of you all about that! Nor do you want to hear it! Nor do you want to hear that MG feels like she has faint alarm bells going off in the back of her head!

What is the proper answer to this kind of query anyway? MG wasn’t a duckling before her marriage, so it isn’t that she suddenly blossomed into a swan the moment she took seven circumambulations around a holy fire and gained a husband! It’s as if the expectations are that now that you can have a legitimate baby, you yourself have changed! Maturity has arrived with the opening of the chastity belt! You absolutely must be feeling different!Alive! THRILLED TO BE MARRIED! Woooo!

And if all you want to hear is “yes, it feels absolutely and completely fantastic now that my life’s expectations are FULFILLED BY BEING MARRIED”, then please, spare MG the trouble of answering and just ask the rhetorical question.


You are now supposed to sit with the ladies and make idle conversation about kids and husband habits, and the color of your sofa! Wooooo!

Letters to The World At Large

In Inner Workings, Main on August 23, 2010 at 5:01 pm

…Or maybe just the Internets.

There has been, (a regular thing lately) a lot of introspection.

I graduated with a lot of dreams and ambitions, and almost five (five!) years on, I’m disillusioned and sort of trying to figure out what I want to do now that I’m finally ‘all grown up’.

I miss Chicago more than you’d think, being in NYC, given that NYC is the manic, interesting city it is. Something about Chicago, besides the cleanliness (and the lack of smells! God, how NYC stinks!) attracts me. Maybe how manageable it is? That being said, I do not miss the very Midwestern passive-aggressiveness nor do I miss the huge concentration on meat in all the cuisine! There’s certainly a buzz of ambition in NYC that I never felt in Chicago, and being a very Indian person, it helps that I can find random desi junk food at all hours and times of the night.

Every day, I find myself sinking a little bit more into NYC, and often, catch myself thinking, well, Chicago would never have this. Perhaps the impossible has finally come to pass? Am I really becoming the snobby New Yorker that is oh-so-superior to everyone and everything else, that I really swore I’d never become?

Anybody Out There?

In Admin Notes, Main, Relationship, Why MG Isn't Updating on August 19, 2010 at 2:17 pm

*Tap tap*

Is this thing on? Is anyone out there? My ramblings are feeling lonely, y’all!

Oh I suppose it’s mostly my fault, you know, not really blogging and all, but honestly, it’s been…unbloggable. Oh, not the various moments and such where I always think “oh, I should blog this”, but the general change of relationship we’ve experienced, and the lots of disappointments MG has had to work her way through. I guess I was feeling disconnected.

I guess I’m back, for now.

So, hello again! My name is MG, and this here is the life and times of My Marriage, My Inner Wanderings, and My Eating Habits.  See you around. Much more often.

Unfinished Epiphany

In Admin Notes, Getting Married, Main on March 15, 2010 at 11:52 am

Editor’s Note:
This piece of blogging was started on an epiphany MG had in late January this year.  She started to write the thing, got distracted, left the blog for a month, and forgot what the epiphany was when she came back to finish the blog off. It’s left here as a monument to her scatterbrain mind, and for what enjoyment you, dear reader, may glean out of it.

Long before I got married last year*, life felt like it went into fast forward. Everything went by so fast- the planning, the painful weight-loss, the sending out of hundreds of save-the-dates and invites- that the sheer craziness of the frenetic pace didn’t sink in at all. The night of the wedding itself, even after all the religious rituals were completed, even as my mother shed copious amounts of maternal tears as if the world had suddenly rent asunder, all I could think of was mundane things: a) “I’m happy to be married to him at last,”  b) “Oh god, I’m glad I lost weight for this” and c) noticing a large digital clock somewhere on my way out of the wedding grounds, “it’s 3.23am already? That gives me about 6 hours of sleep before I have to get up for tomorrow morning’s festivities. Great! That’s more sleep than I’ve had all week!”**

It didn’t occur to me, in my everything-is-going-by-so-fast-don’t-think-just-do mode, to really think about what had just happened. I had gotten married. The enormity of it failed to hit me.  If I had looked any deeper that night, I would’ve probably thought no further than the upcoming honeymoon, the fact that my year-long diet was finally over, and that eventually, all my stuff needed to move to New York, to an apartment we had yet to find.

*Has it really become last year already?!
**Alas, it was not to be. Plenty of family traditions followed…I didn’t get to bed until 6.30 am that morning. Followed shortly by a wake up call at 9.30 from my dad. Hrrk.

2009- A Recap!

In Admin Notes, Main on January 7, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Based as this blog is, on my very anonymity, I would love to do a monthly recap of the year 2009. Unfortunately, too many identifying details (such as what happened when) might, shudder, expose me, and so, I am forced to do it by season. But enough of that twaddle! Let us not waste anymore time and go to it:

Spring 2009:

There was wedding planning. One heck of a lot of wedding planning. There was also disparaging of other crazies getting married, talk about rocks, and even some desperate-housewife style-action. Save-the-dates were sent out by the bucket load and invitation mailings were crammed together in three days, and there was even a bachelorette party in Mexico!

Summer 2009:

This was one hell of a hot summer. He and I got married, moved to New York, where we couldn’t find an apartment for two weeks, moving all of my stuff from one city to New York took forever, and we began to settle into our new lives: there were a lot of arguments, learning to deal with each other’s horrible house habits, (mostly his, mind you) and therefore, a dearth of updates. I did make one change though: the site’s banner went from Pre-Marital Musings to No-Longer-Pre-Marital-Musings, in anticipation, of course, of one day making it Marital Musings.

Fall 2009:

We settled in so much that I began to get bored and felt like I’d lost myself.  While that may have been due to a natural let-down from the mad-cap energy of the wedding, it seemed to me that the endless routine of make bed-go to work-make dinner-watch mindless T.V. – go to bed was killing me. And so, we cut cable T.V. out of our existence, made some space on the bookshelves, and decided that if we were going to be living in expensive, stinky New York, we might as well make the most of it. And so, we started going out for dinner more,  managed to check out a couple of exhibitions over the weekends and I even started a food section of the Married Girl blog! The arguments didn’t quite die down- if anything, they got somewhat worse. That being said, when we weren’t fighting, we were definitely enjoying being with one another once again.

Winter 2009:

As it got colder and every weekend began to have a baking session uh, baked into it, I recovered myself, and found some of my normal zest for life again, partially because of one hilarious message, which helped me find my perverted inner 13-year-old again. That, of course, is who I really am. A perverted adolescent boy, one who can find the lewdness in everything.

And it is with this refound zest and pervertedness, that I bid you all a very happy new year, where everything is stronger, faster, better, longer than the last.

That’s what she said.


And In Social Networking News…

In Family Time, Main on December 16, 2009 at 4:21 pm

Out of nowhere, in my Facebook inbox this morning, I got the most interesting message from an aunt that specializes in interesting commentary. She’s an awesome aunty, but we’re not this close:

“I would like to see junior MG and Him very soon.”

Consider me officially grossed out and “ewwing” like a 13-year-old.


In Main, Relationship on November 11, 2009 at 7:29 pm

MG, prancing about naked in the bathroom,  indecently energetic for 6.30am, moisturizing and mascara-ing: “She drives ME C-RAZY-“

Him, on the other side of the half-closed door, dressing in the bedroom: “o-OO o-OOo


Waiting to Exhale

In Getting Married, Main on October 29, 2009 at 3:59 pm

When I got married earlier this year, it was a three ring circus. Perhaps 30-ring might be better, considering how long the festivities went on for.  I enjoyed most of them, save for the two or three really ugly moments I had with my parents. Which, considering the kind of show they wanted to put on, is only to be expected.

(You see, show in our family, and a lot of other Indian families that are planning rigmarole weddings, usually means pressure. Pressure=strain. Strain= hit low, hit nastily at the people you are closest to. This = ugly ugly moments.)

And during those days of being in the silk and gold covered bosom of my large, lovely family, I wasn’t given any sort of pre-marital advice, sexual or otherwise. (Thank god.  I don’t think I would’ve survived the embarrassment if my mother or any other female relative had tried. Yeah, I said female. No, I didn’t mention male. No, males do not discuss s-e-x with younger females in my clean-nosed virginal female family. Can I get a loud chee-chee with the very idea?) Maybe it was because I was having a Love Marriage, or maybe it was just one of those stereotypical things that we don’t do- being extremely well educated and all that, either way, it didn’t happen.

Somehow, though, in all the anticipation, and all the preparation, and all the almost-dehydrations (this was one helluva hot summer wedding, with definite power cuts during the sticky! humid! nights!), somewhere along the line, I took a deep breath and didn’t let go.  I don’t know why I did it. I don’t know when I did it. I didn’t even realize that I was holding my breath until recently. And it wasn’t even one of those ton-of-bricks realizations. It came to me as I jumped into the pool again. The chlorine woke me up a little. It came to me when I had a performance evaluation recently. Even the euphoria of a good review only lasted for half a day. And it sort of began to become a realization. A gradual sense of being under anesthesia.  Everything seems fuzzy and sort of nondescript. I know I’m alive, but I’m going about my days as if I were in a dream. I’m not zesty, I’m not sad, I        just am. I feel like my entire system is waiting for something. Something? Something. If anything, I feel a little frustration. But why? For what reason?

It’s almost like I married Him, and now I’ve lost myself.  I’m sure it’s only temporary, but in the meantime, I’m waiting for real life to begin again.

Waiting to exhale,


Three New Ways to Enjoy MG!

In Admin Notes, Main on October 26, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Based on recent feedback, MG is giving y’all three new ways to feed yourselves a little more Marital Musings everyday.

Option 1: Get the full feed in all it’s delicious glory. Recipes, trysts with Him, the whole enchilada.

Option 2: Get the full feed without the cooking-wooking nonsense.

Option 3: Get only the Cookery & The Married Girl feed. Delicious.

I live to please y’all. Every single day.

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